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Joke of the Day

"The worst is when you're on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going"

"I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia."

"A leopard can carry something twice its weight into a tree and a cougar can carry something half her age to bed."

"""What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me"" -guy who invented sports"

"Why do fat white women like black guys? Because they heard black makes you look thin."

"What do you say to someone who talked about you behind your back? You discussed me."

"How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? 1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was"

"Taking my dog on road trips would be more fun if he didn't always insist on driving."

"I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like... Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?"

"POKER ANIMALS Q: What animal should you never play cards with? A: A cheetah!"