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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a carrot that repeats everything you say? WOAH! BACK UP, BACK UP. You've seen a TALKING CARROT?"

"Where do they send female terrorists? Guantanamo Bae."

"If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court."

"I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers. I nearly fell out of my tree."

"The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic who walked into a bra"

"[catching breath at friends house] I was being chased by a bike cop so I threw up a left turn signal but actually turned right and it worked"

"Is it true that Martha Washington had wooden boobs?"

"What did the comedian say before he hung himself? ""Sorry for being a noose-ance."""

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe? Cincinnati zoo"