64780

Joke of the Day

"An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ""You don't want to try these techniques at home...."

"I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it. He'll swallow everything but his pride."

"My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said ""are you going to put it up yourself?"" Mom says ""no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"""

"Chemist died in a fire outbreak. Polices had identified the cause, the chemist knew the water was not a solution,"

"FACT: When a dog barks at you, it's actually their skeleton barking. PROOF: I have never seen a dog without a skeleton bark."

"Why was the baker happy when his pie caught fire in the oven? He was a pieromaniac."

"Allstate just sent me a safe driver bonus check for 73 cents so I guess good things do happen to good people."

"What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach? Hiding the erection."

"[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian 1st Daughter:""Dad, I am a lesbian"" Dad; ""Oh okay!"" 2nd Daughter: ""I'm a lesbian too..."" Dad: ""Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"" Son: ""I do."""

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."