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Joke of the Day

"I'd rather have my eyelashes ripped out one at a time by poisonous crabs than watch a show where the voices didnt match the mouth movements"

"I thought my son would like that I bought him a trampoline, but oh no. He just wants to sit and cry in his wheelchair."

"I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad."

"My father's Texas joke A Texan gets pulled over for speeding. The officer says, ""You got an ID?"" The Texan says, ""... about what?"""

"I bet my fish rolls his eyes when I tell people on the phone how busy I am."

"When is a door NOT a door? When it's ajar."

"Just made eye contact with my hot neighbor through the window Wish I didn't have 6 marshmallows in my mouth."

"SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended. He was charged with impersonating a police officer."

"What's purple and chained to my front porch? That's my nigger and I'll paint him whatever color I want!"

"I'm not racist because it's a crime. And crime is for black people."