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Joke of the Day

"I'm on at least 5 different social networks right now managing my empire of utter and complete bullshit."

"Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!"

"I like my beer like I like my violence... ...domestic"

"I bought my mom a fridge for her birthday present You should have seen her face light up when she opened it!"

"It's complicated"" is just code for, ""I'm willing to cheat."""

"There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase."

"I once donated a pint of blood and the doctors were quite greatful. They said it contained enough alcohol to sterilize their equipment."

"Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named ""Dave""."

"Give a man a gun he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world"

"Why is God happy? Because every women call his name during sex."