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Joke of the Day

"""You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet."" - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI."

"4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you."

"The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with."

"My girlfriend is like my self-esteem I have none"

"Fuck these annoying yellow bastards.. No I'm not talking about the Chinese, I'm talking about the minions."

"If clouds became sentient... They would take over the world."

"My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks taste like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad."

"What's gay unless you're Chinese? A bro-job."

"What's a rabbits' favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark."

"I met an exercising nun. She was a firm believer."