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Joke of the Day

"The shortest distance between two points is always closed due to some bullshit construction that should've been finished a year ago."

"Why shouldn't white people swim? Crackers get soggy when wet."

"Ever hear the joke about the 3 Irish guys who left the pub? No? Neither have I."

"They say a woman's work is never done... Maybe that's why they get paid less than men."

"Why was the geophysicist arrested? He was doing crystal math."

"I can see Alaska from my window and I live in [Joisey!] (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/photo-galleries/2016/01/23/blizzard-2016-brings-flooding-snow-to-new-jersey/)"

"It's been 5 years now. I'm afraid that I actually might not be bloated."

"How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to ""do your share"""

"What did the utahraptor say as Wonder Woman tried to beat him up? Di, no!"

"Cop pulled me over said ""papers"" I replied with ""scissors, I win"" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock."