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Joke of the Day

"If you see a white guy in earbuds convulsing angrily with T. Rex arms, don't freak out. I'm just jamming out to Eminem."

"Sometimes, late at night, I'll look up at the stars and wonder if you're also stealing lawn furniture."

"The same woman who said ""I'm your mom not your friend"" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests."

"Two people have been killed and another seriously injured in a knife attack at an Ikea store in Sweden. Police are currently at the crime scene trying to piece the evidence together."

"Posting a Joke on reddit is like going to a bar... You see the same shit repeated every week, but you can't stop from yourself from going there."

"My neighbour has diabetes and now she won't make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me."

"If people winked in real life as much as they do on the Internet, the world would be about 542.67% creepier."

"What's Canada's spy agency? The CI, eh?"

"What is the one thing you can't say even on the internet? [removed]"

"I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey."