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Joke of the Day

"Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade? There were too many vets."

"[drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man"

"Last year I netted over 100k before taxes doing gay porn ""That's gross, dude"", my mom said."

"Q: Can I ask you two questions? A: Ok, what's the second one?"

"why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? because he was far out."

"Patron: Hey there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?"

"Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret."

"The barber from across the street was just arrested for selling drugs. I was his customer for 3 years. Didn't know he was also a barber."

"Taylor Swift Stabs Lucky Fan 1,989 times."

"Hey guys whose girlfriends wear those giant t-shirts as nightgowns, one day you'll be married, and that shirt's going to fit her."