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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me ""the first stage is grief"" ""Isn't it denial?"" I replied. ""No, not for me"""

"what do you get when you mix a Shih Tzu and a bull B.S."

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the bad part of town? One of them got assaulted."

"What do Catholics priests and Justin Beiber have in common? They're both fucking immature arseholes."

"Don't trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza...."

"I was talking to my science class... ...about Astronomical Units (Au). Our conversation was gold."

"[soldier dying in my arms] ""You take this & you give it to my wife."" ""No [pushes watch back to soldier] she lives really far away from me."""

"I only act to support my waitressing career."

"[Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot"

"What do you call fake excrement? Shampoo."