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Joke of the Day

"What is the collective noun for a group of depressives? A melancolony"

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"I finally threw away my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust."
"How do you cancel your appointment at the spermicides bank? You call and say you can't cum. Edit:typo"
"If you've ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11."
"I had coffee with Red Bull this morning... After about 10 minutes on the highway, I realized I left my car at home."
"How's a divorce like a hurricane... There's a bunch of sucking and blowing, but in the end she takes your house."
"Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing."
"What was the first thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 victims? Their knees! Please comment ""No"""
"My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. ""Give them to your sister,"" was apparently a relationship breaking answer"
"I'm not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation."