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Joke of the Day

"What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes? I'm walkin' here!"

"Oh red onions... you'll be the breath of me."

"This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd ""Shona baby"""

"My girlfriend is amazing, she is a Chinese food chef So shes very Lo Mein-tenance"

"A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall... and asks his dad for forty dollars. ""Thirty dollars?"" he replies. ""What do you need twenty dollars for?"""

"So... There was a kidnapping at my school... But don't worry-- he woke up."

"I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone..."

"Jesus dies for our sins? No, no, no... He died for YOUR sins. I haven't touched a goat inappropriately since third grade."

"What did a blind french guy said he wanted for christmas? ""All I want for christmas is yeux"""

"Why are there so many more men in the military? Because ladies go in first."