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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it's a sentient being with its own thoughts and desires"

"You're probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect."

"AKA What's another word for Italian cologne? Garlic"

"I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, ""You once told me..."""

"When god gives you AIDS... Make Lemon AIDS!!!"

"if men fall asleep directly after sex . . . why is it so hard to catch a rapist? -Jimmy Carr p.s. never high five a rabbi"

"How did the Welshman find the sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying."

"Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room! Ghost: Don't worry ma'am I'm just passing through."

"Why does gigahertz? Because megabytez."

"[Dirty] How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave? I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection."