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Joke of the Day

"Do people who criticize the presidents daughter for smoking pot forget that the last Republican vice president shot his friend in the face."

"How to fall down the stairs Step 1. Step 2. Step 5. Step 8. Step 13. Step 17."

"Me: *singing ""Don't stop believing""* Joe: What are you doing? Me: Practicing for Journey duty J: You mean Jury duty? M: No, it says...shit"

"If I had a gun and 2 bullets and I was alone in a room with you, Hitler, and Stalin, I'd look at you like how the fuck did we get in this situation."

"funny how dumbass pet animals will eat the same thing every day without realizing that Subway offers over 19 different ways to Eat FreshTM"

"Not all women are good at multi-tasking I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen."

"Haha we can see inside your cage You like it when we poke you with that stick right?"

"SURGEON: hold on, i just need to YouTube this part of the procedure PHONE: *unskippable ad plays* NURSE: he's dyin SURGEON: ah crap, hold on"

"What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate."

"I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays."