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Joke of the Day

"Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys? Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes."

"Jesus wouldn't have been good at Twitter He would've only had twelve followers."

"I caught my wife cheating with the neighbor last night They are both banned from being the banker during monopoly game night now. That will teach them to sleep together."

"What's the difference between a blimp and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's an awesome year."

"Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights? Because he was soda-pressing"

"just realized horses can't hug and now I can't sleep"

"Did you know a cat can jump higher than a house? This is due to the fact that cats have very powerful hind legs and that houses can't jump."

"I've started handing out guns to large men at gay clubs. Just exercising my right to arm bears."

"An Irishman offended everyone in the pub by making witty jokes about their mums. What was his name? O'Byrne"

"Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house."