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Joke of the Day

"(alternate) My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house To kill the hallucinations I said She laughed. I laughed The toaster laughed I shot the dog"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"I've never understood the whole 'burying people for fun at the beach'. The cops will just find the bodies when the tide comes"

"Did you hear about the strawberry jam and grape jelly hooking up? They got marmalaid."

"What kind of sound does a horny toad make? Rubbit, rubbit."

"For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders... It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic."

"never heard this before Knock knock Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who ? DISH IS SEAN CONNERY"

"In Soviet Russia... ...end of joke is when line punches *you*."

"Why did Trump run in Us instead of Canada? Because He's worried that he would win with a minority government."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet? The bullet gets out of the chamber."