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Joke of the Day

"No, Groupon. Not even an 89% discount will lure me to ""An evening of yoga and rock climbing."""

"And tonights weather: Dark."

"I just got these awesome red shoes but there is an issue with them. They have no soles"

"School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis? Fred: Only when I tried to spell it."

"Princess Diana died of dandruff They found her head and shoulders in the glove box."

"If I had a nickle for every time I heard the word Diversity at the Oscars.. I still wouldn't give a shit."

"Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified."

"On November 9th... Me: ""I guess President Hillary Clinton is with VP Tim Kaine now. And both feeling pretty high. You could say she's ....co-Kaine! Hahah!"" Wife: ""Trump won."" Me: ""Shit..."""

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne usually waits until you're 13 before coming on your face."

"Why didn't Bungie stick with Halo? Because it wasn't their Destiny."