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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure how I can prove it, but I think I'm actually more stupid since joining Twitter..."

"Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places."

"Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout."

"It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day"

"A Jewish man walks into a cafe in Canada and asks the waiter if they have any Canadian Jews ""I'm sorry,"" the waiter replied. ""We only have orange!"""

"Take a chill pill? I had a friend overdose on chill pills you insensitive prick!"

"The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit."

"A Las Vegas joke Criss Angel"

"I organized a 3-some last night There were 2 no shows, but I still had a good time."

"It's like my pet hippo doesn't even realise it's my pet. DOCTOR: Please be quiet while I stitch up your face."