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Joke of the Day

"Note to self: 1) Your memory sucks. 2) Write note to self."

"You can buy wedding cake even if there's no wedding, those suckers don't even check"

"So a lumber jack was severely injured this evening... It was quite the accident."

"After the American Revolution, Thomas Paine celebrates by purchasing a new pair of shoes. He declares that these are the times to try men's soles."

"Went to see my doctor and he told i was going to have to stop masturbating I asked why and he said ""Because im trying to examine you!"""

"A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn't be weird."

"""What's your favorite kind of music?"" Asked one windmill to another. The windmill responds, ""I'm a metal fan."""

"Little girl/boy: ""Mommy, I want to be a [PERSON I DISAGREE WITH] when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"The bad weather kept my friend Edward from going to work today He's Snowden"

"I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui. But oh how the tables have turned."