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Joke of the Day

"Note to self: 1) Your memory sucks. 2) Write note to self."

"I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying"

"My WD-40 can rusted. Now that's irony."

"Hate it when people ask me what I will be doing five years from now Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision"

"A sloth walks into a bar 10 minutes later, bartender says ""Sorry we're closed."""

"What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger"

"I had a girlfriend.... I once had a girlfriend with a taser.... She was STUNNING (Old joke possibly in this reddit too....)"

"Do you know where the Belgium waffle design comes from? From the German tank tracks."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C"

"Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the ""life of the party."""