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Joke of the Day

"I hurt my foot the other day. My heel can't support any weight. But I haven't got to see a doctor yet. I'm just tiptoeing around the issue."

"Whenever Adobe Flash tells me to update I download and install an even older version, that's MY revolution"

"'C' has just been promoted to the second letter of the alphabet! However R & D believe the rise in C levels will result in a loss of B's."

"Little monster: Mom Mom what's for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave."

"*Evanescence* (Buy two hams!) Buy two hams right now! (I need two hams!) I need two sopping hams (SAAAAVE ME)"

"Did you hear that Napoleon broke the Sphinx's nose with a singe shot? It was a one-hit wonder. I'll show myself out."

"Did you hear about the new Jason Bourne movie, still Bourne? It was set to come out next year but the plan was aborted"

"If two lawyers were drowning and you could only save one of them would you read the paper or go to lunch?"

"What do you call a Targaryen girl who can outrun her brothers? A virgin."

"Old Mother Hubbard.. Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard. To Fetch Poor Rover a Bone. When she bent over, rover took over. And gave her a bone of his own!"