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Joke of the Day

"A family books a room in a hotel... ... The father goes and says to the receptionist and says I hope the pornography is disabled here and the receptionist goes its normal pornography you sick bastard."

"Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside? Because 9/11 was an inside dog."

"""We have here the results of your fraternity test."" (*opens envelope*) ""Kyle... You are NOT the bro!"""

"Do you know how to tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothing."

"You might be a hipster if... Friend: Did you see that <funny cat picture> on reddit's frontpage? Me: Naah, I don't subscribe to all the big, popular subreddits."

"Tattoos are a nice way to forever honor loved ones, like family members who have passed away, or skulls with bat wings that have passed away"

"im 40 and my girlfriend is 12 months pregnant, am i too old to be a father? :/"

"My dad asks my little brother, ""Hey son do you know what sea monster's favorite snack is?"" ""Ships and dip!"" *dips chip in dip*"

"How do you milk a sheep? With iPhone periph**e**rals."

"You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!"