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Joke of the Day

"did you fall from heaven because your face is all screwed up"

"Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit? Because thyme heals all wounds. :D"

"Talking to women is like writing code I look back at what I wrote a week later and think ""what the hell was I thinking when I wrote that?!"""

"Did you hear about the deaf guy who could sing? Ya, well he didn't"

"Why do people with bulimia nervosa love KFC? Because your meal comes with a bucket!"

"He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives."

"If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue."

".@petco None of the pets I purchase from you shrug and say ""It's a living"" when I use them in place of household appliances."

"I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die."

"So, two neutrinos walk through a bar..."