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Joke of the Day

"everyone's always saying 'the good ones die young', 'god only takes the best'. so I must be immortal"

"I interviewed for a new secretary today and the last girl blew it. So, she starts tomorrow."

"So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says ""hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"" And the Yogurts respond ""Why? We're two cultured individuals."""

"""And why do you want to work at the aquarium?"" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish"

"Everyone has that one friend who treats their Facebook status like their therapist."

"You know how some people make food exactly as it appears on the cookbook? I guess you could say they made copy and pasta."

"What do you call a torn up wife beater A piece of ""shirt"""

"Why did the sorority girl add NaOH to her Frappuccino? Because she's a basic bitch."

"Can a match box no, but a tin can ;)"

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"