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Joke of the Day

"Here you go, Merry Christmas! ""Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?"" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt"

"How to pick up a woman at Walmart. Very slowly and team lift with your legs."

"The only person I want to see do a Harlem Shake video is Michael J. Fox."

"Why are birds always sad in the morning? Their bills are over dew"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? You mean you don't know?!"

"Why can't you checkmate a christian? Because they're all pawns and their king doesn't exist."

"Having kids is like being at a press conference: ""No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question."" ""No, you can't really fly -next"""

"Did you hear the one about the man who let a firework off on top of his head? He went out with a bang."

"Roy Hodgson has some really important decisions to make now. Like if he wants a window or aisle seat."

"Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie."