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Joke of the Day

"I hate being bipolar. It's awesome!"

"My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet."

"Girl and Boy Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute ? I don't cum when the onion cries and begs for mercy as I cut it up."

"""chill before serving"" is the best advice I can think of if you're an angry waitress"

"Q: Zombie: Where do fleas go in winter? A: Werewolf: Search me."

"Midwife: It's a boy, ma'am. Mrs Dickens: Edward. Edward's a nice name, isn't it, dear? Dickens: LET'S CALL HIM OPPROBRIOUS FRILLYBOCKER"

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live... I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years."

"What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full. Credit afroman for this one"

"It makes me sad that the closest I'll ever get to 'hulking out' is splitting my trousers when I bend over."