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Joke of the Day

"For those who've received my unsolicited dick pix: my computer does NOT have a virus I am purposely sending those to you."

"Why is Ariana Grande called Ariana Grande? She is only 5 feet tall. Shouldn't she be called Ariana Petite?"

"I decided to get a tattoo of a cross Because I want people to know that not only am I religious, but I also lack creativity and am an asshole."

"Hitler pun ""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."" Hitler: ""So mine less."" Grammar Nazi busts in. ""MINE FEWER."" (Hitler looks up) ""Yes?"""

"Seriously In 20 years time and you're at a pub quiz and a question starts with ""in what year"" Just answer 2016"

"Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery boss? Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross."

"What does the Russian President's wife scream during foreplay? Putin! Putin!"

"How do you make a plumber cry? You murder his family."

"How do you weight a fish? With a scale."

"So a man walks through airport security... Man: Knock knock. AS: Who's there? Man: Alla. AS: Alla who? Man: Alla who akbar."