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Joke of the Day

"In the library: ""Excuse me, where are the books about paranoia?"" ""They are... right behind you."""

"Have you heard of the movie called constipation? No? Because it has not come out yet"

"What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish."

"Do you like him like him, or just Facebook like him?"

"What did Samuel L. Jackson say to wake up his mate? Sunrise motherfucker!"

"Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'"

"I used to love The Village People until they came at me with torches. -Gay Frankenstein"

"What would you call a restaurant for anorexics? The Empty Plate..."

"My local grocery store has a special deal going on at the self scan aisle, buy one get like 30 free."

"Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks? cuz she couldn't find the door handle"