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Joke of the Day

"So many haunted ""mansions."" Sad how this country is killing the middle class ghost."

"Why was the horse always mad at the mule? It kept half-assing everything."

"Damn girl are you a Rubik's cube? Because fuck you, you stupid piece of shit."

"Hooker says $500. I say $50. She walks away. Later, I'm walking with my wife, same hooker sees me and says, I see what you got for $50."

"What did Jack say when Nick called him a son of a bitch? He couldn't say anything. He was a dog."

"Relationships are like yard sales.... They look like fun from a couple yards away, but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need."

"They say it takes more muscles in your face to frown than it does to smile. So, I say exercise your face... Get married and have teenage children. You will be frowning more than you imagined."

"Why can't you insult Jewish people? Because they've already been roasted."

"The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something."

"When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs"