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Joke of the Day

"*TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him* me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch *TSA guns me down*"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was Mweauuuuuaoooeeo"

"What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones!"

"Why was the football stadium so cold? Because of all the fans."

"My wife has a tatoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh If you put your ear against it you can smell the sea"

"A priest comes into a bar. Wait, no it was a choirboy. So priest comes into a choirboy."

"What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip."

"It's not PC to give your wife a black eye You should really be giving her an african american eye"

"Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers."

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."