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Joke of the Day

"How did the explorer react when the which doctor turned him into a miniature ballsack? He was a little testie! Bump dump pshhh!"

"Don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. Their phone is probably just ""on silent"" or ""right in front of their lying face."""

"A girl walks to his boyfriend and says.... I have some good news and some bad news, and I'm gonna tell you both at the same time. Amongst all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

"I quit my band, 1023MB, the other day... We never had a Gig."

"You'r mum... ...is so **poor** she can't even pay attetntion."

"My girlfriend took me bra shopping It was an uplifting experience"

"I squish my belly fat around during serious conversations because I have intimacy issues."

"Ambien: Where is your unicorn? Me: I don't have a unicorn. A: You better get naked and go into that Arby's and look for it anyway. M: Ok."

"What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? She goes home"

"Sometimes I'll start talking to someone on the train, then go ""Oh, this is where I get off"" then close my eyes & stick my hand in my pants."