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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: My greatest weakness? I'm a bad listener."

"Bought a few packs of Sonicare toothbrush heads @ Costco today & the kids can't go to college anymore but at least they'll have clean teeth."

"What is the most uptight human instinct? Sex, there's hundreds of thousands of sex offenders."

"The nintendo 64 turned 18 last month Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges"

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Bahaha."

"I consider myself somewhat of a pussy magnet... ...I just need to learn how to change the polarity."

"I used to so drugs in the 90s but now I usually turn the AC on"

"People are always asking me why I named my pet newt 'Tiny' It's because he's my newt. ^minute ^^means ^^^small"

"How do you keep a blonde waiting? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I hate these services like Tinder and Grindr. I remember back when if you wanted to have sex, someone else had to make a huge mistake."