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Joke of the Day

"Think women are the weaker sex? Try pulling the blankets back to your side."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like an apple. We must get to the core of this!"

"The 9 circles of hell: 9) limbo 8) lust 7) gluttony 6) greed 5) anger 4) heresy 3) violence 2) fraud 1) shopping on Black Friday"

"A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Shit Sherlock Research Institute."

"Little Johnny calls for his mom ""MOM! MOM!"" ""What is it Johnny?"" ""Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics?"" ""No, why?"" ""She's outside, under a bus"""

"I swear, even my ex lasted longer than my phone battery does."

"*young woman walks by Wife: Wow, she looks really good, don't you think? Me: NO WAY, I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT"

"Of course I touch myself when I think about you It's called a face palm"

"waiter: what would you like to order, sir? me: a naked salad, please. waiter: ... me: you know, no dressing."

"I once had a selfie with Dwayne Johnson at the Alcatraz Island (during an SF City Tour)... Now I know what it feels to be stucked between The Rock and A Hard Place..."