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Joke of the Day

"I want to start selling arm prosthetics globally Because then I'll be an international arms dealer."

"In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period."

"I now win almost every argument with my zombie girlfriend I just give her a little piece of my mind!"

"[running amok in flames] WHY ARE INFLAMMABLE THINGS FLAMMABLE!?"

"*comes into work with black eye* oh please I'm fine guys! But you shoulda seen the other guy. He was a cabinet door that i walked into"

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States? We wouldn't have to pay her as much."

"Asked my co-worker if saw the big news report... He said which one, The Mac 'n Cheetos announcement or the UK doing something? True story, from 3 min ago... 'Murica"

"I hope no one tells the kids in Africa we have forums on our computers where we can just complain about stuff."

"The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital.. He's in fair condition."