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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear Jesus was pissed about his birthday gifts? He was pretty incensed by the whole ordeal."

"Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite, and he's a hero. I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole? Really, History?"

"A guy walks into a bar with a gun he says ""Which one of you bastards fucked my wife?"" and a small voice from the back of the room says ""You haven't got enough bullets"""

"How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call? This IRS guy sounded pretty into me"

"I forgot to pluck my eyebrows while getting ready this morning. It was an oversight."

"""Any idea how to make a lasagne, Barry?"" ""Not a clue mate, but I Bechemal would know"""

"Just Cuz It Zips Dont Mean it Fits"

"Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard? A barber."

"Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers? It's a shifty business."

"Spell anaesthetize! Harry was sad when reddit was unaffected."