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Joke of the Day

"How many internet users does it take to change a light-bulb? I dunno. Let's just sign a petition so that hopefully somebody will do it."

"In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love."

"The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge."

"I planted some flowers, but they never grew. Should have seen it coming. The package did warn that they were pansies."

"To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice"

"What's the difference between an outlaw and an in- law? Outlaws are wanted."

"You ever get so drunk you write your social security number in the tip slot on your bar tab?"

"What do you call a cow with no hind legs? an utter drag"

"What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look grandpa! No hands!"

"*aggressively keeps eye contact with attractive people to let them know I mean business*"