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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an outlaw and an in- law? Outlaws are wanted."

"How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass? Surprisingly pleasing."

"I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come."

"Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby but because she's one of my skinniest friends."

"#NotMyPresident Yes, we know. You are illegal immigrants, your president is Enrique Pena Nieto"

"You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog"

"I've messed up, I'm gonna be arrested for crimes against light... I'm gonna be sent to the state prism!"

"The Embarrassing Moment by Lucy Lastic"

"I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game. I came back and there were nine."

"*sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS"