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Joke of the Day

"If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order."

"AudioPhiles be like .mp3, .wav, .flac"

"Great to meet you too, person I'll never see again."

"Funeral Emily died last week after she fell in the lake. It's a shame she never learned how to swim. We brought a life preserver to her funeral. It's what she would have wanted."

"A man goes to the doctor and says ""I've got a problem, I have 5 penises"" The doctor says ""Woow, how do your pants fit?"", he replies ""like a glove"""

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid $20 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"I'm gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop."

"What did one mouse say to the other mouse? I get a click out of you."

"Male secretary : ""Feel free to use my dictaphone."" New blonde employee : ""No thanks I'll just use my finger like everyone else."""

"My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die"