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Joke of the Day

"If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order."

"When a programmer is born, what are their first words? ""Hello world!"""

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can finish a race..."

"I have diabetes.... There's no sugar coating it."

"""How did you sleep?"" ""On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."""

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning? He was *too far out, maaan*."

"What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell!"

"Why is everyone smiling at me today? *checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah."

"What does Bill Cosby put in his garden? Rapeseeds."

"Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes that was one of his most striking achievements."