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Joke of the Day

"Last night, my girlfriend made me really happy and really sad at the same time. She told me, ""You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends."""

"I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis."

"When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee"

"""The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-"" [Bowser spits coffee] ""Which plumber?"""

"My chest hair connected with connected with my armpit My hair is really going places"

"I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week. I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance."

"And on the second day, God created the sunset and He saw that it was good but decided it would looketh better with the Amaro filter."

"Why did the stoner go to the chapel? To marry Jane"

"What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug? Just Beer. If you don't get it, think mathematically."

"""Relax. It's not a competition."" ""Right. That's what I say."" ""But I said it first."""