58120

Joke of the Day

"Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?"

"Look I see that you love me and would die for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I'll play the odds. -Woman logic"

"Why don't quantum physicists have sex? When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position."

"Favorite Cheese What is a mathematicians favourite cheese? Dairylea Cheese Right Angles"

"Your sign says ""NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE"", so it seems highly unfair that you kicked me out for not wearing pants."

"You sneezed 20 times in a row, I think your brain wants out"

"What is green and has 4 wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels."

"At some point, male ""pick-up artists"" are just going to start chasing women around like Benny Hill."

"My wife likes to talk to me after sex. It really bugs me when she calls me from her hotel room."

"Took my pet lion in an elevator along with shocked shoppers this morning. There was quite an uproar."