58120

Joke of the Day

"Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?"

"I made a meme"

"Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath. That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"

"How do you make a shortcut? With small scissors."

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Neville Chamberlain? Neville Chamberlain takes a weekend in the country. Adolf Hitler takes a country in the weekend. (First told circa 1938)"

"A tearful Ray Romano raises the gun to his temple. 'not everybody' he whispers 'not everybody'"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he ain't comin'."

"Last night I witnessed my dad having a stroke I really wish he would lock the door when he does that."

"What do a horny guy and a bad driver have in common? They are both bad at pulling out."

"Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story."