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Joke of the Day

"What's the I.T. guy's favorite pokemon game? It's a toss up between ruby and perl."

"I hate being bipolar. It's fucking awesome."

"Countries.. We used to have empires ruled by emperors. We used to have kingdoms ruled by kings. Now we have countries."

"CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is"

"A lady centipede crosses her legs..... .....""For the one hundredth time, NO!"""

"What do you call a girl on her period? Call her next week."

"I sleep naked because I want burglars to feel weird."

"Where do fleas go to surf? To the microwave."

"Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes."

"If you hold the ocean up to your ear, it sounds just like a sea shell."