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Joke of the Day

"[on deathbed - calls for son] "".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."""

"A Jewish Boy Asks His Dad For $20 Surprised the dad says, ""$10 dollars?! What the hell do you need $5 dollars for?!"""

"""Masturbation"" is such a harsh word. I prefer ""Hand-to-gland combat""."

"FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced ""jiff"" I know because I joogled it."

"Why are you baking octopus? So I can get octopi."

"Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to the other side."

"You guys hear the one about the Middle Eastern guy? He wanted to be a terrorist but then he'd just falafel."

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog."

"What kind of ant can count? An account*ant*."

"My daughter asked me if it was illegal to be blind which tells me I didn't explain ""legally blind"" very well."