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Joke of the Day

"My kid wants pizza without the crust AND a side of breadsticks. It appears I've given birth to everything that's wrong with America."

"Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass."

"I bet rapists can get their straw in a Capri Sun on the first try."

"TIFU by reposting Just kidding. You fuckers love reposts."

"Parliament should learn from Twitter, thousands of people shout here doing nothing productive, yet it never gets adjourned."

"Since the amazing rescue of the sailor found at sea after 66 days ........ ........... is there any news on the tiger, hyena, zebra and orangutan?"

"I hate guitarists... They're so picky."

"Have you heard of Bill Cosby's new T.V. show? It's called, ""Women say the Dardest things."" He denies rape charges for thirty minutes."

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? a tire"

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."