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Joke of the Day

"God I hate kids. And people. And animals. And sardines. And stuff that's alive. And stuff that's dead. I hate stuff. I like cheese."

"This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep."

"Jealous and Funn It's not important to win it's important to make the other Guy loose."

"What is Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NA BA-NA-NA-NA"

"What do you call it when a gay couple has a heated argument and one of them stabs another with a knife? *a homocide.*"

"I accidentally hit my ex-girlfriend today going 85mph with my car on purpose."

"""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Santa."" ""Santa who?"" ""Santa who has to use the door because you left your fireplace burning, jackass."""

"Did you hear about the man who got his entire left side of his body mauled off by a bear? He's all right now."

"I was suffering from constipation the other day but I really didn't care In fact, I didn't even give a shit."

"This lady at the store didn't know what a Toblerone was and I've honestly never been more offended in my life."