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Joke of the Day

"Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed."

"I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate."

"What is the difference between a baby and a feminist? The baby grows up and learns to stop crying."

"Instead of my usual Monday snark I'm going to be upbeat and have a great day LOLJK today will ass rape my spirit animal with its angry fist."

"The best part about being an abortionist..? [NSFW] I haven't had to buy dog food in a long, long time."

"I'm going to get a sleeve tattoo of a farmers tan."

"I went to a nightclub the other evening and saw a topless ventriloquist. She was really good. I never saw her lips move."

"Facebook- You: Going to a concert tonight! Friend: Sweet, what concert? Aunt: WHAT IS ITUNEZ?????? HOW IS YOUR DAD????? I LOVE YOU XOXOXO"

"Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas."

"What do you call a trucker that doesn't drive anymore? Semi-retired."