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Joke of the Day

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday... I think they misheard me when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool? Bob"

"""Plagiarism Squad reporting for duty."" / ""Copy that."""

"What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog? I don't know but it is great at chasing submarines."

"Why do pirates like TIG welding so much? Because they have a good supply of ARRgon."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face!"

"I'm broke but not ""vacuums the air filter* instead of replacing it"" broke. *more than twice."

"What does a colonial space marine and Europe have in common? They are both xenophobic!"

"BARTENDER: I think you've had enough sir. DRUNK: I just lost my wife buddy! BARTENDER: Well it must be hard losing a wife.... DRUNK: It was almost impossible!"

"That's a nice sham you've got there... It'd be a shame if somebody added an e"