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Joke of the Day

"I want you to be completely honest with me as long as you're only pointing out my strengths."

"What's the difference between my neighbor and a necrophiliac? My neighbor fucked my wife yesterday, but the necrophiliac had to wait until today."

"Why can every black person run so fast? Because the slow ones are in jail."

"Me: ""I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please."" Man: ""That isn't how a food bank works, sir."""

"Here's a joke for all you Game of Thrones fans. One day Bran walks into a bar."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got behind in his orders"

"How to bargain with your wife Me: Can I get a motorcycle? Wife: No. Me: Can. I get a boat? Wife: NO! Me: Can I get a blowjob? Wife: (sighs) Is it a BIG boat?"

"My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles Straight until you get them wet."

"Don't call Donald Trump a cunt. He lacks the warmth and depth."

"Like arguing with a forest fire."