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Joke of the Day

"It only takes one drink to get me drunk The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

"When I go to the bar I get a Lindsey Lohan. It's a Shirley Temple with a lot of coke"

"This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again."

"Go away, mosquito. I've already had the blood drained out of me by my job."

"Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee? Because she used #nofilter"

"A valentine? IN THIS ECONOMY?!?"

"another candidate got the job i applyed for at Senate Office whomever you are, i hope your happy with that analist position you stole from me."

"Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione? She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor."

"Do you think bin men get training... ... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?"

"Few disc jockeys ever graduate to horses."