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Joke of the Day

"Beyonce: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at - wait what is it called again? Jay-Z: Coachella. Beyonce: Coachella."

"I have the body of a 20 year old model... Unfortunately it won't fit in my freezer."

"Scented toilet paper girlfriend: is this toilet paper scented? Me: I'm not sure; my asshole doesn't smell so good"

"Error 609: When your kid sleeps in between."

"Hey guys I need some help. My assignment's asking how would humans function without their brain. I can't think of anything..."

"Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird."

"I don't have a girlfriend.... I just know a few people who would get mad if I said that."

"A hillbilly tells his parents he won't marry his fiance because she is a virgin. ""If she isn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours!"""

"Dubai knows how to end the year with a BANG! I'm talking about the fireworks display guys."

"I'm really good at not paying my bills. They all say ""OUTSTANDING!"""