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Joke of the Day

"Beyonce: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at - wait what is it called again? Jay-Z: Coachella. Beyonce: Coachella."

"Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?"

"How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"What did Cinderella say when the got to the ball? She didn't say anything, she just gagged."

"A co-worker said to me, ""Could you be any more annoying?"" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work."

"Just had my first threesome but it was not what I had envisioned. The other two guys seemed to like it just fine."

"Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town? They wished it was Anubis."

"What did the coach say to his star player after he pissed his pants? Hey man urine"

"The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, HBO"

"How can you tell if someone's a Vegan? Don't worry... they'll tell you."