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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny got arrested? He was charged with assault and battery."

"Your mom must study Reverse-Judo. She keeps throwing herself at bad men."

"When carrying a sleeping child to bed in the dark, make sure all intervening doors are open. Babies make cranky, ineffective battering rams."

"A girl couldn't decide which mascara to use Bitch couldn't makeup her mind."

"I'm against vaccination! Vaccines save lives and I'm against overpopulation!"

"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"

"I've really got to stop being so anti-semitic... or else I'm going to get audited soon"

"What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say? **DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????** (credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers)."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel between his legs The barkeep asks if he knows he has a wheel there.. He replies, ""Yarr, it be driving me nuts!"""

"What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony ? The Brit Awarts !"