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Joke of the Day

"Q: What goes: click click click ""Now? FUCK!"" click click click ""Now? FUCK!"" etc... A: A blind guy working a Rubix cube."

"A bird just got trapped in our wind chimes and made the next Bon Iver record."

"Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule"

"Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this"

"It turns out I have my shirt on backwards and I'm wearing two different socks. I apologize for being so flamboyant with my heterosexuality."

"Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May"

"I used to drive a Toyota.... .... But then I got a job."

"A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack? A parachute."

"Q: Name the country where the entire population is pissed. A: urination"

"Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like... ""Dude, shouldn't you be hanging out with people your own age?"""